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|Thursday, October 22nd, 2009|
|food for thought- awakening the true self
i feel myself at a pivoting point in my early adult life...
however i'm not sure where it's going.
i'm so sick of existing in limbo for sooo long
it feels like i'm willing to reconsider everything in my approach to living.
i'd like to follow through with all the shit i planed long ago
that in it's self would actually help transform me.
er...i guess i want realize what's best right now
and get rid of all the noise and looping tapes.
for once in my life, let go of control and guilt,
recognize the walls i've built for myself and
that everything i view is framed in terms of what i had been
not necessarily what i will be tomorrow.
is it wise to live intuitively...pay little heed to a little chaos
maybe even welcome it as a way to get over my lofty ideals of
controlling the inner as a way of affecting the outer world.
in reality, everything exists in terms of the play between chaos and harmony.
would i be free if i made myself comfortable with both
or would i become what i fear most?
to fail at the high standards i've set for myself and all mankind?
i can't over come disappointment with the world and hate i have for flaws.
flaws i myself have...but NEED to accept and forgive.
then, where will be the order then?
i can't have chaos and neither stringent structure.
where the hell is the balance that will allow me to feel confident i'm on the right path? Current Mood: confused
|Friday, October 9th, 2009|
i am *still* on the hunt for these boots in white. i simply *must* have these. they are like the boots i've wanted since like 6th grade when i was obsessed with street fighter! well, i mean not these exactly, but you know...very close.
i'm hoping my order went through but i ordered these in white and
these in baby pink
the company is being slow so i might have a wait a while to see if there were technical issues. i'm so glad they finally came out with some shit i could run and drive in. well, maybe not drive, but at least run and kick someone in. i've kinda been obsessing over these, but i'm trying not to let it show (*shhhhh*). once i get em, i'll be wearing them everyday! well, cept when i wear my awesome new pastel pumas. anyway, i'm soooo ready to own these sweet sweet lovlies! pink pink pink white white white boots! not for at least another month if i'm lucky :/
now that i don't have a bf to pay attention to, i'm becoming a obsessed with owning things again. i'll have to sell a bunch of shit to justify these purchases...but let materialism rein with an iron fist...er steel toe boots...whatever... Current Mood: bouncy
|costco bloodsucked my wallet
my roomie and i went serious grocery shopping for the both of us. the bill ended up being 400 bucks. for some reason i thought we were more responsible this time...i guess not. good thing we eat like motherfuckers and stay skinny. *ahhh* it is so nice having asian genes :) other than that nothing that eventful. i'm really liking my racoon eyes. i think i'll play around with the color a bit more tho. i think maybe purple. idk, i'm staying away from black for a while. eh, anyway i ~love~ racoon eyes :) i feel oh so *pretty* and... not naked with them on. another plus is that after swimming classes it looks *that* much better! :P Current Mood: full
|making plans, doing things that accomplish...nothing
ok, i'm going to DG and i'll try to make it to MEAT (for the 1st time in my LIFE) cause i heard there is food??? yayaya i'll go anywhere there's food! should i attend the covenant show on sat? idk, i have mixed feelings about them...such as "you have shitty shitty lyrics...i'm embarrassed for you" and "...i could dance to this beat". arggg...what to do? dance to shit cause i like the noise and ignore the horrible lyrics? or be a snob, listen to better shit at home and twiddle my *bleep*...what? i meant my thumbs!!! Current Mood: bored
|Thursday, October 8th, 2009|
|oct 09 the beginning after the end
other than the random school related freak outs, i'm doing pretty well i think. i'm getting used to doing shit myself i think. there's new paint on my home too! i LOVE the colors! and everyone else seems to think it's the shit too! it's a cool blue with the slightest hint of mint green combined with a milk chocolate brown trim. the windows are a light creamy color and the stairs is a light mocha with grey and brown in it. every time i come home, i'm happy just looking at it all newly painted. lol why am i going on and on about paint?
i've been organizing and going through my old stuff...i have tons of clothes! i went out dancing all by myself... it was fun :P. since i've decided to go regularly and blow off some major steam, i'm looking forward to dressing in clothes that have just been sitting there. two things about this place- there are a lot of awkward weirdos there, for example this one guy starts talking to me and the abruptly out of nowhere goes "may i kiss you?". ROFL!!! just...bizarre! anyway, needless to say...i said no without skipping a beat. sometimes i really wonder if being really nice is like a curse. 2nd thing, i stuck out like a sore thumb... i'm going through my "i love lots of colors...all at once" phase, but i'm going with it. next week, i'mma take advantage of the blacklight with lots of white! hahahaaaaa!
getting over the breakup has been going very smoothly. i'm even glad to handle shit without some psycho's controlling input. i do shit when i want, where i want and how i want. the sweet sweet smell of freedom! however... the not having someone *on-call* kinda sucks...a lot! hopefully my next catch will know how to take charge properly! omg, what if he could wear different uniforms?!!! not that i want to get into it too much, but just saying... that would be really really sweet *rubs hands* :) ok ok, enough of that, there are seriously slim pickins for a girl who wants it all. well, i mean if there are even any at all to pick from. i'm like a frekin loser magnet!!! \(T~T)/ woe is me!!! Current Mood: frustrated
|Saturday, July 28th, 2007|
|fucking sucks being a new driver
i went to haight yesterday to take my roommate to get her ears stretched. after that kinda sucked as far as driving went.
it got all sprinkly and my windshild got all retarded so i couldnt see.
the fluid nozzel was broken for some reason on the driver side and
the window was all smeared with crap.
i pulled over and tried to clean it.
with the engine on and the door open i totally forgot when we were done
that the emergency brake was on!
i drove a block untill the car started to smoke from the brake friction!!!
anyways we finally got a parking space downtown and went to see harry potter.
my roommate was all paranoid that this group of guys were following us
and was planning to kick their ass.
she made me carry her purse and took my mace! *sheesh*
when i got back to the car, i found a parking ticket for street cleaning!
i looked around AGAIN and there was no signs for street cleaning.
then i took a wrong turn and got lost.
THEN a cop stopped me and ticketed me cause i totally forgot to turn on my headlights!!! it was sooo stupid.
dumb mistake cause i was in a bad mood and in a hurry home.
so i got a citation, great! -_-
on the way home, it got all sprinkley again and the window was shitty again.
i was all nervious cause of all the crap that happened earlier.
i finally pulled over cause there were all that crazies
standing in the street waiting to be run over. cleaned the window.
after that stopped AGAIN! and cleaned AGAIN!
by that time, i began to hate my fucking car.
too bad cause it's pretty decient seeing as how it's my first. :(
btw, fuck those crazy idiots that stand in the middle of the fucking road
for no fucking reason!!!!!
fuck those "sane" fuckers that stand in the middle of the road waiting for the bus or to cross the street!!!!!!
you're the reason i pay so god-damned much for insurance.
not really, but i'm still pissed. Current Mood: pissed off
|Wednesday, July 25th, 2007|
just got 3 movies from netflix
i watched black snake moan tonight.
it was good. i dont know why some people didnt like it.
i wanna see harry potter. i'm going tomorrow night with my roommate.
anyone see it yet? you can come too if your want :)
i went to kung fu. i hadnt gone in over a year.
i forgot a lot of shit. but there was a lot of newbies, so it's ok.
i almost passed out cause i'm so unfit and chain smoke
so i had to take a 5 min break outside in the fresh air lol
we opened up doing more cardio crap then i expected.
with in a span of 10 min like this:
side step skips around the studio
drop and push ups
on your back and situps
up and side step skip other way
drop and pushups
up and run, 360 turn at corners
fighting stances and various punches
fighting stances and leg and arm combos
yea, other stuff i forget...
but my legs got soo sore!
i wont be able to walk down the stairs tomorrow.
anyhoo i'm gonna watch cartoons now. Current Mood: full
|Sunday, July 22nd, 2007|
|i'm such a sucker
i sponsored a kid in chile. lol idk.
school starts in aug
wtf is symbolic logic?
havnt gotten in a car accident yet
costco is the devil.
dont ask how much i spent. :( Current Mood: bored
|Tuesday, April 10th, 2007|
I PASSED MY FIRST DRIVING TEST!!!
after 8 years of fear & procrastination
I FINALLY HAVE A LICENSE!!!
yay, now i need a car.
i have my eye on this 2001 passat
it's a black beauty with leather seats
and keyless entry etc etc etc :P
the lady who gave me the test was such a bitch tho...
and insurance prices are NOT forgiving :(
my ass is commin to visit you soon...
uh, whoever responds cause
i have been gone from lj like... hella years! Current Mood: anxious
|Tuesday, October 10th, 2006|
|hello everyone!!! update on me
horay, today i passed my permit test 100%!!!
plus i hadnt read the manual for like over 6 months
i started to cram the night before
anyway i'm thinking about getting a vw hatchback
so i can carry shit from the flea market
think i can get one in purple? if not i'll settle for black :P
humm what else? oh yea i'm thinking of changing my major... again,
but i'm not sure to what.
maybe i'll cont w/ psych and open up a store anyway?
i wanna sell shit i get from flea markets around the world.
um.. well thats the dream anyway :P
then i can travel on business and do what i do best, spend spend spend!!!
today i went to haight after the permit test thing
and got a bunch of cd's from amoeba
i got ministry, tears for fears, vnv, massive attack, faith and the muse
and, some japanese newwave thing my bf wanted.
can anyone recommend anything thats good?
also i got some cheapo jewelry for my new nose piercing... well relativly new.
i had taken my old lip one out,
but i guess since my friend was gonna get some done onw her b-day, i did too. for free!
courtesy of dave- the newly dubbed uber nice guy :P
btw, anyone have plans for halloween?
it's me and my bf's one year! yay.
anyway, i hope everyone is doing well.
|Friday, August 25th, 2006|
|it's been a long time...
i'm bored and procrastinating on h/w
i'm taking conceptual physics and ancient greek philosophy
ya thats it cause i'm taking it easy this semester
i'm taking physics with my best friend...ya
i'm litterally broke cause i went shopping for clothes
ya, whats new?
yesterday i got a tokidoki lesportsac schoolbag
a pair of suede and leather blk kneehigh boots
2 pairs of rocketdogg shoes
4 mini skirts (2 betsey johnson,1 miss sixty)
1 lilac half sweater
1 star print blk skirt
1 blk miss sixty skinny pants
... and stuff i dont remember
this morning i got a call reminding me of my
appointment with my skin specialist
i had to reschedule cause i cant afford my facial treatment
... i forgot about that
oh, and my bf moved in a month ago,
i'm happy...really happy :)
i dont go to kung fu like i should
forgot everything...so sad
last thing, i'm addicted to ffxi
i'm raising a chocobo
it's an egg right now tho... hatching
lol, i'm a dork :P
|Friday, June 24th, 2005|
some upscale staff sometimes think it's funny to purposly not let celerbrities in their store.
i remember over hearing Bette Midler tried to get into Louis Vuitton
the night (closing hours) previous to the day of my being in the store,
and one girl was laughing with her co-worker about how they purposely locked her out!
apparently they were giggling about it after she left...and yes, the manager was there.
apparently she was banging on the door and was like
" helllooooo...let me in, don't you know who i am?!!!"
and after a while she left all pissed cause she knew they saw her. Current Mood: annoyed
i have a disclamer:
yes, despite all the brown, orange and green items,
i still generally hate those colors.
also, just because i post these
i don't necessarly love these for myself
i'm just appreciating stuff
|Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005|
|Thursday, June 16th, 2005|
|ARRRRGGH!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA RIP MY HAIR OUT!!!!!!!!!!
i swear to god!!!!! I HATE MUSIC!!!
it's like everything i hear bores me to death
no wonder i don't go out looking for new albums to buy
after 3 hours of searching online and even following everyones recomendeds
either already have it... or it SUCKS!!!!
and i am SOOOOOO dissapointed
then i realize...
i've done this a million other times before
with the same results.
FUCK MAN, SOMEBODY MAKE SOMTHING GOOD OUT THERE
i'm dying over here ::cries:: Current Mood: pissed off
|Saturday, June 11th, 2005|
here are the quiz results, but actually
i'm a socrates girl and next would be kant ;)
1. Jeremy Bentham (100%)
2. John Stuart Mill (99%)
3. Epicureans (97%)
4. Kant (93%)
5. Aristotle (84%)
6. Aquinas (82%)
7. Ayn Rand (82%)
8. Prescriptivism (80%)
9. Spinoza (77%)
10. Jean-Paul Sartre (73%)
11. Stoics (62%)
12. St. Augustine (54%)
13. Plato (52%)
14. Ockham (46%)
15. Thomas Hobbes (35%)
16. Cynics (25%)
17. David Hume (25%)
18. Nietzsche (25%)
19. Nel Noddings (24%) http://selectsmart.com/PHILOSOPHY/ Current Mood: amused
|Monday, June 6th, 2005|
time for a wardrobe change
definately less of a spooky look for me
a shift towards the american comicbook girl in streetwear look
how about this :)